


longevity

by moshmxllo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Atsumu cameo - Freeform, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, mentions of infidelity but not involving the main characters, radio au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27931642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moshmxllo/pseuds/moshmxllo
Summary: How long can you keep loving someone who's no longer there?How long can you keep holding on to the words that hung in the air, suspended, but never said out loud?How long can you really, truly love someone who probably didn’t even know how you felt before?How you’ve felt all this time?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu
Comments: 16
Kudos: 96





	longevity

Akaashi Keiji, 28, Radio DJ.

Part of his job description (aside from curating music that would fit the program’s objective and themes) is listening to and reading their listeners’ woes about love.

He doesn’t know why out of everyone who applied to be a DJ, he got chosen to host a program that revolves around romance, relationships, love, _blah, blah, blah._ (the producers mentioned something about how his voice and the way he talks would appeal to women of all ages)

Akaashi Keiji, 28… has only truly loved once in his life.

It was a regular Thursday night at the station, and every Thursday, they read letters anonymously sent by listeners about things they’ve always wanted to say but can’t (for various reasons). It’s probably their most popular segment, because the submissions really go from innocent and sweet love confessions to admittance of infidelity.

 _I guess a lot of people like thinking that they’re at the receiving end of the letters_ , Keiji thinks.

Simply put, Keiji acts as the messenger between two individuals who may either (1) end up together, or (2) grow apart.

He usually gets to read the submissions before they air just so he would know how to set the mood for every letter that he reads. He used to do theater and voice acting as extra-curricular activities back in college, and he’s very particular about giving the exact and appropriate emotion so he could properly deliver what the sender wants to say.

That particular Thursday, Keiji was running late and he wasn’t able to read the submissions in advance, so the producers had to choose which submissions Keiji would have to read on air.

The show started smoothly - Keiji has been doing this for roughly 3 years, after all. He’s read every kind of love story there could possibly be, and he would be lying if he said he never felt envy when he reads about two people getting together _and_ actually staying together for a long time. He would be lying if he says he’s never gotten a taste of a love so sweet and so addicting that when it ended, all that's left is bitterness and pain.

The first submission was a profession of love: the sender was a 19-year-old male who has been pining for his older sister’s best friend for almost two years now. He mentioned how his heart would skip a beat every time she smiles at him and wishes him a good night when she sleeps over at their house; how he would stumble over his words when she asks him how his day was; how, even when she stopped coming over, he still thinks about her. _Oh, to be young and in love,_ Keiji thought.

The second submission was about infidelity: the sender (33, female) is genuinely apologetic to her long-term boyfriend because she has been flirting with a coworker. She said that it started when they had to work together for a large-scale project and after spending so much time together, their harmless work relationship turned into flirty banter turned into regular dinner dates. She said she was sorry because she had been selfish, and that he deserves better.

Keiji swallows the lump in his throat. Even though he’s been doing this for 3 years, he still doesn’t know how to feel or how to react when he reads submissions like this - he’s not really allowed to give out any information about the sender, especially when someone calls their radio station asking who sent the letter that may involve them (in one way or another)

The third and last letter for the night was 3 full pages - it was more of a narration of a whole love story than a short message to someone they’re afraid to confront.

Their producers knew that it was a long one, so they cut to the commercials right after the second letter.

After the commercials had ended, Keiji welcomed the listeners back to the show and started reading the last letter. It was from a 28-year-old male, who has been in love with another man (also 28) for ten long years.

Keiji thanked his stars that they didn’t schedule their show tonight to be viewable and live streamed. Nobody would see the way his shoulders visibly tenses up when he reads that the sender wrote that he has been in love with the same person for ten years. _We’re two of a kind._ He bites the inside of his cheeks and tastes bitterness in his mouth.

> _It was the second week of my senior year in high school when a boy from another class was transferred to mine. They said he was from the advanced class but they had to move him because he was sickly and he couldn’t catch up with his classmates because he had missed a lot of classes during their sophomore year._

Keiji feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand. The sender’s story sounds so familiar that he almost thought that he knew exactly what he was talking about. He can even picture it so vividly as if the scene was etched in his mind, frame by frame.

> _Y’know how in movies, when the protagonist sees his supposed love interest for the first time and suddenly everything is bright and in slow motion? That’s what I saw when he walked in. I’ve honestly never seen an actual human being so beautiful and so mysterious._
> 
> _He searched all of his new classmates’ faces as he was being introduced (at this point I stopped listening to what the teacher was saying because it really felt like time had stopped while I was looking at him) and for a second that felt like a whole eternity, we locked eyes, and I gasped so loudly it was embarrassing._
> 
> _No, I wasn’t in love with him. Yet. But I was intrigued. Curious. I wanted to know more._

Keiji had to pause for a bit. His hands were beginning to get cold and clammy. This is hitting too close to home. Could it be…?

> _We didn’t really have a lot of opportunities to talk, even when we were grouped together for a project or an assignment. We were both reserved and there really wasn’t any reason for us to talk to each other aside from asking a few questions about the assignment. To be perfectly candid, I was scared. I was scared that if I talked to him, I wouldn’t be able to say the right words._
> 
> _One time, I was so preoccupied thinking about how to strike up a conversation with him that wasn’t about school. I was itching to know more about him._
> 
> _Then I heard a really familiar, annoying voice call his name from outside our classroom._
> 
> _My brother._
> 
> _My stupid brother knows him? Knows him enough to call him by his first name. Without honorifics._
> 
> _I’ve never actually been envious of my brother even though we’re always competing with each other - who can run faster, who can jump higher, who can eat more servings._
> 
> _For the first time in my life, I felt envy. From the top of my head to the balls of my feet - I was envious. Envious that my brother was the friendlier one. Envious that he’s tactless and straightforward. Envious that he could casually talk to this classmate who I’ve been wanting to talk to for weeks._
> 
> _I had two options at the time - either I walk up to them and join their conversation, or keep things to myself as usual and continue watching him from afar._
> 
> _But sometimes, your body just moves on its own before you could even think._
> 
> _Before I knew it, I was standing by the doorway. My brain finally caught up and I was able to stop myself from walking up to them and hijacking their conversation… and that’s when my stupid brother saw me. I had no choice but to approach them. Thinking back, it was hilarious how I tried so hard to hide how red my ears got when this classmate of mine looked at me over his shoulder and gave me the smallest smile._
> 
> _If you still can’t tell, I’m developing a big fat crush on my classmate._

Keiji stops reading before he turns to the second page of the letter to share his thoughts and read out some comments from their listeners.

“Wow - I don’t know about you guys but my heart is racing from reading his story! Doesn’t it make you remember your happy crushes and first love?” and that was exactly what Keiji was thinking about this whole time - his first love. His first and only love.

Keiji proceeded to read comments about how their listeners also feel excited while listening to the story and that they’re excited to know how it develops. Some of them relate a lot with the sender, and it made Keiji realize that there are probably other people who might have experienced the same exact thing. Maybe he was just like most of their listeners - he had hoped that he was the one the sender was talking about.

> _The first time we had a one-on-one conversation was also when I properly saw the color of his eyes. They always look so different whenever I try to look at them. But this time, we were sitting face to face and I saw a shade of blue that I’ve never seen before. I tried searching for what color it was - it wasn’t gray like mine, but it wasn’t as vibrant as most blue eyes are. Sometimes they even look greenish. I looked up every possible shade of blue eye colors and there was one that perfectly matched the color of his eyes._
> 
> _Gunmetal blue._

Keiji’s breath hitched. This is too much of a coincidence. How many people of his age have gray eyes? A lot, probably. But how many of them could say that they have had strong feelings for another person who specifically has “gunmetal blue” colored eyes?

His heart was doing cartwheels inside his chest.

He remembers gray eyes fondly looking at him when they were alone. He remembers seeing them so up close. So close that he actually can’t see them anymore, and the only thing he feels are soft lips hovering his own. Close enough to feel his breath on his cheek, but never close enough to actually feel himself burning from the slightest contact of skin on skin.

Keiji was sweating in his seat as he fanned himself, acting like he was only feeling excited from how the story was progressing and not because he was consumed by thoughts of an almost lover from his past while he was at work.

The second page was all about how the sender suddenly had courage to ask his classmate on lunch dates - sometimes with his brother, but most of the time just the two of them alone. They finally exchanged numbers after weeks of spending so much time together during school hours, the sender using homework as an excuse. (this part gathered hundreds of comments saying how they were so cute and that how they wished to be young again to feel the rush and the excitement of experiencing new love)

There was one specific part in this letter that made it crystal clear to Keiji who the sender is, and who he was writing it for.

(his heart has been doing cartwheels inside his chest this whole time)

> _We kept in contact after graduation. Mundane conversations over the phone that would last for hours until one of us falls asleep. Sometimes we even go on dates where we choose a movie and rate them by how bad they were. Really, just very lame excuses to spend a lot of time together._
> 
> _On his 19th birthday, I gave him a book that rated so low on goodreads dot com as a joke, except there was one page that I dog-eared for him, hoping that he would get the hint when he sees it._

Keiji pauses, shock written all over his face. He remembers that book. He still has that book. He doesn’t remember what was in the dog-eared page - he only remembers lashing out on him because he had the _audacity_ to dog-ear a book, no matter how bad it was. _Oh, dear god, was I THAT stupid to not literally read into it?_

He makes a mental note to find the said book later when he gets home and continues reading the third page of the letter.

> _I only realized while writing this that we never really talked about our relationship. We felt too safe and too complacent. I never really thought it was important to give a name to what we were at the time, because I thought the only thing that matters is the way we feel for each other._
> 
> _But maybe I was the only one who was certain._
> 
> _I made sure he felt how deeply in love I was with him through my actions. But he probably needed me to say it out loud. At the time, I didn’t think about how important it was to actually say the words and not just let them hang over our heads as if it was a given._
> 
> _And just when I was about to say the words - I got scared. I got so scared that I ran away. Suddenly, I was uncertain. I ran as fast as I could because it was too overwhelming that it felt like my heart would explode. The thought of him not returning my feelings if I had told him that I loved him in his entirety, and not just as a friend that I liked to hang out with, might literally kill me. I had no other excuse - I was a coward. I was young and naive. I didn’t know jack shit about love._
> 
> _We stopped talking after that._
> 
> _But how long can you keep loving someone who’s no longer there? How long can you keep holding on to the words that hung in the air, suspended, but never said out loud? How long can you really, truly love someone who probably didn’t even know how you felt before? How you’ve felt all this time?_
> 
> _I’d say my biggest regret in life right now is the time I wasted not being by his side. Ten long years, and my feelings never wavered. I’ve been scared to confront my feelings again, but, writing this… I feel like I can accept whatever the universe would give me, if I was given the chance to face him again._
> 
> _Except I’m no longer gonna wait for fate to tell me if and when._

Keiji’s voice was shaking. He felt like someone just threw a big bucket of cold water on him. He was overwhelmed by the sender’s letter and by his own emotions.

_Only two paragraphs left, Keiji._

He continues reading --

> _Akaashi Keiji._

\-- loud gasps all over the studio. Hundreds of comments from listeners coming in when Keiji saw and read his own name.

> _I know you’ll get to read this somehow. Can we start over?_

Keiji tried to control his sobs but he couldn't. The producer had the right mind to cut to commercials as they all rushed in the booth to calm Keiji down.

It was a good thing they were able to cut to commercials before Keiji was full on sobbing because he read the name of the sender at the very end of the letter.

> _\- Miya Osamu_

A name that’s branded in his heart. The name of the only person he’s ever loved. _Ten long years, and my feelings never wavered_ , he echoes.

They had to end the broadcast abruptly not just because the DJ can no longer continue, but they have also gone overtime and there’s another program right after theirs. The show’s page was filled with comments of support for the DJ, saying that they’re rooting for him and maybe someday he would tell his side of the story.

Keiji rushed home to find the book Osamu mentioned in his letter. He kept a box of his old books - books he didn’t reach for as frequently as the others, books he didn’t really like, books that only collected dust. He rummaged through 3 boxes until he finally found the only book he owns that had a dog-eared page.

 _Wow_ , he thinks. _I must be so goddamn blind and stupid._

The page wasn’t only dog-eared. The words Osamu wanted to tell him were even highlighted and underlined.

_“I’m falling truly, madly, deeply in love with you.”_

Keiji laughs at the absurdity of it all. It took almost ten years for him to find out that Osamu wanted to quote a book that referenced a Savage Garden song just to tell him that he’s already fallen in love.

He suddenly sits up in his panic because he realizes that he doesn’t know how to reach Osamu. He probably changed his number, right? Osamu probably doesn’t know how to reach him, too, that’s why he sent in a letter to the station. And then it hits him.

Keiji hurriedly opens his laptop and goes to their show’s website to look through the community page where they get all the submissions for their Thursday episodes. He scrolls through over fifty posts until he sees the one Osamu submitted. More than ten thousand comments and upvotes. It’s probably the most popular submission yet.

A lot of comments were talking about how they would use the power of the internet to get them to reconnect, but there was one that stood out, and also the comment with the most upvotes.

> **Onigiri M.** **  
> **_I’ve been hanging out in this old coffee shop in our old neighborhood every day from 1:00PM until the sun sets for almost ten years, hoping that one day I’ll see him there. I don’t really mind it anymore if he never came - the coffee shop serves one of the best iced lattes I’ve ever had._

Could it be…? He searches for a coffee shop in their old neighborhood and makes a plan to drop by tomorrow. _Maybe. Just maybe, I’ll see him there_.

Keiji was feeling good about his decision to drop by the coffee shop that user Onigiri M. mentioned. He was hoping to see Osamu there, but if he was wrong and it wasn’t Osamu, at least he’d get a taste of their iced latte.

It was quite the drive from where Keiji currently lives. It was a good thing he has this Friday off because the station was doing a special broadcast about the new V.League season so the regular shows had to be cancelled to make way for it.

Since he was very loyal to the radio station, he decided to tune in during his drive.

He heard a very, very familiar laugh when he turned the radio on.

“Atsumu???” He knows that Atsumu became a pro-volleyball player, but he had no idea that he was invited to the special broadcast. He’s not gonna lie, he missed that boisterous loudmouth.

“Oh! I’m always tuned in!! There’s a show I discovered ‘cause my brother’s aaaaalways listenin’ to it.”

“Really? Which show?” the DJ asked Atsumu.

“The one where they read stuff from their listeners!! I actually knew the DJ when we were in high school - hey, Ji!! If you’re listenin’, Samu’s been waitin’ for ya in th---”

_What did he just say???_

Keiji lost the radio signal just as he was getting closer to their old neighborhood. He taps his car radio in his frustration, but to no avail. It seems like their station’s signal doesn’t reach this place.

He feels his heart making multiple cartwheels again in his chest. Maybe he’ll see Osamu here. Will he feel the same way as he did before? Is he still really in love with him, despite years of not hearing from each other? What if he only thinks that he’s still in love with him because there hasn’t been anyone who was able to make him feel the same way Osamu did before? What if--

Then he sees him. Miya Osamu. The only person he’s ever loved.

His hair was shorter, darker. He’s a lot bigger and wider now than they were in high school, so he must be working out a lot.

He’s wearing a gray coat over a dark blue turtleneck that only accentuates his chest, and Keiji feels his throat go dry just by looking at Osamu sitting outside the coffee shop, sipping his iced latte.

And then, as if on cue, Osamu finally looks his way and Keiji sees his favorite set of gray eyes getting wider and wider the longer they keep their eyes locked on each other.

Keiji feels like crying.

He wants to run to Osamu’s arms and tell him all the unsaid ‘i love yous’ that he kept in his heart all these years, but he sees Osamu standing up and running to him instead.

Osamu was no longer afraid.

He sees his favorite set of gunmetal blue eyes that look like they’re two emerald stones when the sunlight shines on them. He’s so beautiful. The slow motion thing happened again but this time, he was quick on his feet and he didn’t need his brain to catch up because he was no longer afraid. The only man he’s ever loved is finally right here, in the place where he’s been waiting for almost ten years.

“Keiji.”

“Hi, ‘Samu.”

“I- I don’t know if it still matters but- I still wanna say it out loud.”

“I know. I read the book you gave me and I.. I know.”

Osamu couldn’t find the words to say anymore because Keiji already knew what he wanted to say.

“Samu, if it still matters… I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you, too. I always have, and I always will.”

How long can you really keep loving someone despite their absence in your life? How long can you still say that you love them, even if you’re not sure if you’ll ever see them anymore?

They’ve been running around in circles trying to figure out if they could ever love anyone the same way they’ve loved each other. They’ve waited for ten long years to find the answer, and it’s right in front of them now, clear as day.

 _You are always worth the wait_.

**Author's Note:**

> feels really good to be able to write again!!  
> thank you astrid for beta reading and leaving keyboard smashes on the gdocs lol  
> the book that Osamu dog-eared does not exist in real life XD
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kkitakagi) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/kkodzukenn)!


End file.
